A Teacher’s Reflection on a post by @.
It is so self satisfying to believe that he is having meltdowns at home because we [teachers] give him something better at school. It deifies us, allows us to have the stage that we are so often swept off of by celebrity politicians. Suddenly, we can shine and claim to the world that we have the healing stuff. But the illusion must stop! When faced with children who are radically different at home and school, children who are violent and aggressive depending on which environment they are in, no one should be seeking glorification. Instead, we should be seeking to understand why. We should be seeking to help!
It is true, teachers are not social workers. We are not therapists! We can not fix every conceivable human issue by the wave of a hand and the mumble of a few words. We are there to teach, to instruct, to lead our young people into a new horizon of academic excellence. Yet, this journey is not in isolation. While leading our young into new realities and visions of a better self, we will interact with myriad other agencies. Therefore, it is wise that we work with these agencies effectively and efficiently because it is the only way we can help in the development of the best possible human beings. This will never be the case, if we educate them to an A* yet never help them to see the value in treating their families and friends well.
So, who is Jekyll? He is the charming young man who turns up neat and ready to learn each day. In class, he works ardently never wavering in his attention or goal. His answers are on point and it’s a pleasure to have him in the room. And you wouldn’t have guessed that his parents had had to drag him kicking and screaming to the car in order to get him in to school. You wouldn’t have dreamt that the night before, his parents had to restrain him so that he didn’t hurt them or possibly himself.
As a teacher, working alongside Jekyll Junior, we have no experience of the rage or the meltdowns. We have no experience of the violence that mars the face of the angel; we never see when they fall. So it’s easy to ignore the parents’ pleas for help or surmise that the trouble must be with them. However, we must consider the possibility that if Hyde exists and if he continues to rail unchecked, there might be a time when he is no longer confined to home but becomes the everyday reality. An everyday reality not just in school but into the future.
So, how do we help little Mr Hyde? I think the first step is to have an integrated approach to supporting the parent. This could be done by having a meeting with the teacher/school representative (SENCO), parents or carers and a family support worker. I believe that the parent should have a safe space to share their reality and their concerns. Parents should understand that it’s not about patronising them or judging them but enabling them to better support their child in these times. It is possible that having a Parent Support Group where confidentiality is emphasised could help to alleviate parents’ concerns about being viewed negatively. Within this setting, strategies should be suggested, acted on and reviewed. Where parents feel uncomfortable with a group setting, a more individualised approach could be taken.
In schools, we are encouraged to use social stories and comic strip conversations to help children to understand how to respond in social situations or to process their feelings within situations. Parents must also be equipped with these strategies or have access to individuals to help in the creation of these to support their children. Parents need to understand more than just medicating their children. They need proven strategies that will help them to reduce the levels of anxieties in their homes.
When students are violent in school, staff members are trained in using methods to deescalate and where necessary restrain a child. When this is used, the dignity of the child is kept to the forefront and so it is done in as positive a way as possible. Have we considered what happens when a parent who isn’t trained suddenly have to restrain their child? The mental and physical agony that both parent and child might experience is perhaps unfathomable. Therefore, it is clear that parents of violent children should be taught to use specific methods to restrain and maintain safety whilst also prizing their child’s dignity and self respect. When restraint methods are used correctly, there is no doubt that the aftermath is less fraught with emotions and bitterness. This is necessary if positive and healthy family relationships are going to be maintained. This should be the outcome that we seek.
Support Workers /School Representatives (SENCOs) should also be encouraged to visit the homes of these students so that they too can be witnesses of these behaviours. It is important here to stress that a coherent and corroborated view of the child should be made. It wasn’t long ago that a parent lied about a child’s state of health, had the child operated on and tried to stunt their growth because of their lust for money. So, it’s important for these agencies to gain a fully rounded view of the child. If enough trust is build with these bodies and the parents, it is possible that that parent will be less defensive about letting these agencies into their homes. This could lead to more opportunities for outside agencies and the school representatives to witness the behaviour of the child through videos or home visits.
Recently, there has been a lot of talk about the mental health of young people. CAMHS (Children and Adolescent Mental Health Service) appears to be under a lot of pressure, with waiting lists that seem to be a mile long. These services are extremely important in providing support for parents and helping them to cope with children who display challenging behaviour. In these cases, time is of the essence. If help isn’t given quickly enough, then the challenging behaviour could become a part of the routine and then by the time they get seen it might very well be too late. It is therefore crucial that parents are made aware of these services and provided with details of how to access them.
So yes, it’s been lovely teaching Jekyll Junior. However, it is important to remember that if Hyde is left unchecked, he might just be the future. This should not be left to chance.